Impacts

Staying true to at least one thing in my life, this post will address an impact of being fat (as promised in my last blog.) In fact, it will address more than one impact. As with the size of my bod, I've got more than enough to go around, why be stingy?

It's after midnight. It's another one of those nights that I flat ate too much and can't even think about going to bed. My stomach hurts. An impact on my life of "being" fat (I'm talking lifestyle here) is PAIN, actual physical pain! I had a late dinner. The food was not unhealthy, I just ate too much - probably twice what I should have. And I drank wine with dinner, probably twice what I should have. Then, since I was tipsy from alcohol, I decided to have some ice cream. Man, tomorrow (no right after I post this) I'm throwing the rest of the fricken ice cream in the trash!

I actually wish I could be bulimic. I'm guessing people who are bulimic want to be skinny so bad they are propelled to expel food from their body. Unfortunately, I'm not really all that motivated by skinny. It's too vague a concept in my life. Still, I'd kind of like to be bulimic just so I could relieve the pressure in my belly. But I'm too much of a coward to gag myself.

I looked it up. Bulimia is defined as "an eating disorder marked by excessive eating binges followed by self-induced vomiting." I just have excessive eating binges. That doesn't even qualify as an eating disorder. What up with that? It should. It could be called Fullimia - an eating disorder marked by excessive eating binges that gorge the stomach to the point of discomfort and nausea, but short of vomiting, self-induced or otherwise.

I looked up obesity too. All it said was "very fat." Man, fat people get no respect! Obesity is most certainly an eating disorder. Guess I'll have to go drown my sorrows in antacids.

Another impact of the fat life is disappointment with a capital D. Disappointment. I'm disappointed in myself for punishing my body with food. I'm disappointed that Fullimia doesn't get eating disorder status and that obesity is not taken seriously. I'm disappointed that I sit in front of the TV and stuff my face all evening. My Pathways to Health goal for the week was to not eat after dinner. I now find I can't even tell when dinner is. It seems to start in the evening and lasts until I go to bed, unless I'm too full to go to bed. Then it lasts until I'm sick from stuffing my face. Very disappointing.

On the positive side, writing this has just now helped me formulate a new plan. I'm going to eat meals at the table instead of in front of the TV. The physical location will help establish meal boundaries. I believe this is a good plan. My chances of success are 6.5 (but I'm not going to revisit it because it's a perfectly good plan.)

One final thing I want to report is the experience I had the other day at an eye exam. I haven't had an exam for about three years. My eyes have been bothering me a bit. I seem to have a harder time adjusting to oncomming lights when driving at night. Particularly my left eye at times feels like I'm getting pink eye or something. I thought perhaps age was catching up with me or my glasses are just too scratched up and need new lenses. Turns out my left eye prescription has changed, not alot but just enough to cause all the symptoms I have been experiencing. New lenses and I'm good as new. That part was a relief. The part that was not so great was the glaucoma test. The result was fine, but I had to sit upright and lean my head forward into a swing arm apparatus. It was very awkard because the top of my belly just below by bust bulged out (further than my bust) and hit the bottom of the appartus. This made it difficult to rest my forhead against the frame. I stretched my neck to position my head properly, but was conscious of my bulging belly the entire time. It was embarassing and uncomfortable. Another impact of fat is unhappiness.